For the Newcomer

You are not alone… at one time or another we have all felt the anger, guilt, shame, or hopelessness that you might be feeling right now. In S-Anon, we subscribe to the following core beliefs:

That we do have choices; we should not feel trapped in impossible situations.
We respect each person’s anonymity and the confidentiality of personal information. “Whatever is said in the room, stays in the room.”
We believe that sexaholism is a disease very similar to alocoholism. This means that the actions of the sexaholic are not a result of something we have or have not done. We did not cause it, we can’t control it, and we cannot cure it.
We rely on a Higher Power to restore us to sanity; S-Anon recovery is based upon spiritual principles.

For more information on S-Anon International Family Groups, visit www.sanon.org

Hope and Help

Like other addictions, sexaholism affects the whole family. As S-Anon members, we are seeking recovery from our own progressive illness.

In S-Anon we find our recovery depends upon our willingness to adopt new ways of thinking about ourselves and our problems.

We have found that if we are honest, open-minded, and willing in the process of applying these principles to our lives, we will soon begin to see the gifts of recovery.

For more information on the S-Anon International Family Groups, visit www.sanon.org

Is S-Anon for you?

Ask yourself the following questions. If you can answer “Yes” to even some of these questions, you may find help in S-Anon.

Have you often felt hurt, ashamed or embarrassed by someone else’s sexual conduct?
Are you afraid to upset the sexaholic for fear that he or she will leave you?
Have you sometimes found yourself searching for clues about someone else’s sexual behavior?
Have you ever fantasized, obsessed or worried about someone else’s sexual problems?
Have you ever made threats to others or promises to yourself (“If this happens again, I’ll leave.”) that you did not carry out?
Have you ever tried to control somebody else’s sexual thoughts or behavior by doing things like throwing away pornography, dressing suggestively, or being sexual with them in order to keep them from being sexual with others?
Has your involvement with another person or their sexual behavior ever affected your relationship with your children, your co-workers, or other friends or family members?
Have you often lied to others or made excuses to yourself about another person’s sexual conduct?
Have you had money problems because of someone else’s sexual behavior?
Have you engaged in sexual behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable or ashamed, or is physically dangerous, fearing that if you don’t the sexaholic will leave you?
Have you engaged in sexual behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable or ashamed, or is physically dangerous, fearing that if you don’t the sexaholic will leaver you?
Have you ever thought about or attempted suicide because of someone else’s sexual behavior?
Have you often used sex in order to have peace int he family or smooth over problems?
Does sex (for example, thinking about it, doing it, talking about it or worrying about it) playing an all-consuming role in the relationship?
Have you ever felt abandoned emotionally because of your partner’s use of pornography or masturbation?
Have you ever helped someone get out of jail or other legal trouble as a result of his or her sexual behavior, or feared that this kind of thing could happen?
Have you often thought that the sexaholic’s behavior was caused by other people, such as a friends or sexual partners? by society in general? by his/her job, religion, or birth family?
Have you ever suspected that anyone was inappropriately sexually interested in any of your children?
Do you feel alone in your problem?

Reprinted with permission of S-Anon International Family Groups, Inc. Nashville, TN. Compliance with S-Anon International Family Groups, Inc.’s copyrights and trademarks is required.

What is Sexaholism?

If this is your first contact with a Twelve Step program, we ask that you try not to analyze, diagnose, or label another person’s behavior. The most important thing for us to know, as S-Anon members, is that sexaholism is an addiction just like any other addiction – with the same elements of loss of control, tendency to continue the damaging behavior despite negative consequences, and the need to do more of the behavior to get the the same result. Also, like other addictions, sexaholism affects the whole family.

No matter what manifestation of sexaholism you may have encountered in a relative or friend, we assure you that you are not alone. We have included a partial list of behaviors that other S-Anons have been affected by over the years. The list is meant to offer newcomers a way to know they are not isolated in the problems of living with or having lived with active sexaholism. You may or may not have encoutered any or all of the following: sexual affairs with women or men, sex with children in or outside of the family, sex with prostitutes or other strangers, telephone sex or other use of the electronic media, compulsive use of pornography or masturbation, fantasy, voyeurism, exhibitionism, masochism, sadism, sexual violence, withholding sex, sex with animals, or something else – we assure you that you are not alone. When you talk with S-Anon members, you will find others who have lived with the same types of sexaholic behaviors. Even if you feel unique in your local S-Anon group, you can be certain that someone in the S-Anon fellowship has also had similar experiences and feelings.

In S-Anon we consider sexaholic behaviors to be symptoms of a disease – unacceptable actions taken by sick people wo are powerless over lust. Through working the S-Anon program, many of us have overcome powerful feelings, which are not ours to carry, of shame or guilt that arose out of being so closely connected to this “shameful” disease. We have come to understand and accept that we are not responsible for the actions of others and that those burdens of shame and guilt are not rightfully ours to carry. Our solution depends on keeping focused on our own personal path of recovery and allowing the sexaholic to do the same.

Reprinted with permission of S-Anon International Family Groups, Inc. Nashville, TN. Compliance with S-Anon International Family Groups, Inc.’s copyrights and trademarks is required.